5 weeks after my accident and I’m happy to share my smile with you again. It’s been the longest 5 weeks of my entire life with lots of emotions along the way.
I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to smile for Christmas but here I am, feeling blessed even in the middle of the mess.
There are times that yes this really freaking sucks and there are times when I feel sorry for myself, because I’m human. But I’m also able to keep going, and to not get stuck on the why right now.
I’ve got a long ass road ahead of me. My next dental appointment isn’t until the middle of February, and it’s going to be a 2-4 month process before it’s all over with.
This means that while I have a smile for work and for functions, it’s just a cosmetic thing, not a functioning thing.
Like I still can’t go out to eat, and I can only drink white things while I have my Invisalign in. If I want to be normal again then it’s going to cost well over $14,000 and it’s going to be a process that I am responsible for paying for.
I was given this life because I’m strong enough to live it, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s easy.
I could become overwhelmed with the hows and the whys but it wouldn’t do me any good. I already know that the magic always happens in the middle of the mess.
It will all work out. It always does. I can handle anything at this point and even when I feel like giving up I’ll get down and pray until Holy Spirit makes strong again.
Everything single thing in my life has changed, and I’m ok with it because I don’t have any other options.
I’m not the kind of girl who’s had an easy life and I’ve never had anything handed to me.
I’ve always had to learn how to figure shit out on my own. My parents have never bailed me out and for that I’m thankful because it me strong.
Because in learning to figure shit out for myself I’ve developed true strength and character.
This year I’ve been brave enough to start over.
To leave people and places that disrespect me and threaten to keep me small behind. I’ve learned that no matter how afraid I am that I can still keep pushing forward.
I’ve learned to listen to and to honor my intuition again for the first time in a very long time and I couldn’t have done it without the strength I carry inside my heart.
This accident couldn’t have come at a worse time, but it’s not my plan. I don’t understand it and maybe it will be years before I’m able to look back on this with any sense of clarity, but I still keep going.
I’m living the best life I can live right now and I’m creating a new space for my spirit to rise.
It would be easy to stay bitter and to stay angry, but I just don’t do easy. I can’t see the end and I’m ok with that for right now.
I’m thankful to be able to do some of the things I used to do again. I went back to the yoga studio yesterday, I got to come home yesterday, and tonight I’m going to spend the evening laughing and having fun with my girlfriends.
I’ve been able to find blessings in the middle of the madness because I’ve learned gratitude over the years.
This Christmas is way different then any Christmas I’ve had in the last 20 years and I my friends am on with this.
I’ll take Presence over presents any day.
I’m excited for the new even when certain things threaten to steal my joy.
I am truly loved and supported by the best friends in the entire universe. My tribe of loyal girls sees me through and the love we share with each other is the real deal.
I’m always going to brave Enough To Love again, to be vulnerable and to speak my truth even when my voice shakes.
While certain parts of this suck, I’m also learning that there are parts of me that I thought we’re dead that were actually just lying dormant.
Being afraid also means being wildly excited 💜 and I’ve felt numb for far to long.
If you can learn to meet yourself wherever you are, then you can make it through any storm that threatens to dim your inner light.
I love you
Thank you for reading my blog and supporting my dreams 🧚🏻♂️