How I learned to walk through the storm

2018 is the year I said good bye to anything that no longer serves my authentic self.

That means letting go of the people in my life that conspire to keep me small.

Letting go of anyone that doesn’t understand my worth and doesn’t see my heart the same way I see my heart.

No more arguing or exposing myself to those who are committed to misunderstanding me. No more blaming others for the life I’m

Living.

No more wasted energy on friends that don’t deserve my presence.

No more living a small life to make other people happy.

No more pretending to be something that I’m not. No more living a life that doesn’t align with my soul and my spirit.

No more living in the dark because I’m destined to walk in the light.

To more biting my tongue, and no more fighting for time and attention, because I finally learned my worth.

No more teeth means no more outward beauty, and that in itself has been the lesson of a lifetime.

Life is a beautiful gift if your willing to open up your heart and release the things that don’t fill you up.

I could totally feel sorry for myself because of my accident and at times I most certainly did. I could have become the victim of my life and let the bitterness take over.

I could have quit.

I could have given up.

I could have said I can’t do this.

I could have allowed this lesson to break me instead of using it to help make me.

Looking back over the last 3 years I see that God was preparing me for these very storms. And as much as we would all like to avoid them, I’m afraid friends that you have to learn to walk right through those bitches.

In the middle is where it’s messy, but it’s also where the magic lies.

I can’t live a brave life if I’m not willing to step up and speak truth to bullshit.

I cannot become who I’m supposed to be by staying somewhere that I’m not loved unconditionally, and I can’t teach my children what life’s really about if I don’t take responsibility for changing it.

There are times in life that you have to be stronger then you ever thought you could be. You have to learn to create boundaries. You have to figure out what your purpose is here and then you have to be brave enough to start over.

It doesn’t matter what other people think because your the one who’s living it. You are the one that created the life your living and you are 100% responsible for the way you feel, and for the people that surround you.

Every single day I have a choice and so do you. You can either continue on the path that’s easy, but that steals your joy. Or you can woman/man up and start making the changes that you need to make to live with more authenticity.

You cannot choose love and choose fear at the same time. Every single day your either walking towards love or your walking away from it.

With every single choice you make you are being tested. Remain small and afraid, or create a new beginning.

We only have this one life and mines got to at least be half over. I wasn’t put on this earth to fit in. I was put here to use my voice in a way that will make the world better.

As life threatens to steal my happy and my joy, I laugh at it knowing that a woman like me is made from the very storms that she walks through.

Life’s not easy and it’s never fair but if your bold enough to change it, you will be rewarded over and over again.

2018 taught me more about myself then any other year yet, and I’m doing it in front of the world so that you might understand your worth it.

💜 Tay Tay

I’m sorry they hurt you & I’m sorry they Fucked you over, but no ones coming to save you

I’m sorry they hurt you & I’m sorry they Fucked you over, but no ones coming to save you

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I’m sorry they hurt you & I’m sorry they Fucked you over, but no ones coming to save you

There are times in your life when your going to feel like you really got fucked over.

By a friend

By a boss

By a partner

By a sister

By a brother

By a lover

By a kid

By a parent

By some guy

By some girl

By your neighbor

By your roommate

By any freaking one

That you’ve gotten close to.

No ones immune to this, ever and I know that it hurts and that it’s going to seem like it’s the end of the freaking world.

I know your going to feel mad and angry and sad and about a million other emotions because we’ve all been there.

You are not alone and it probably won’t be the last time that you get hurt again or fucked over by someone.

It’s not going to be the last time you get the short end of the stick.

But you have to understand that no one and I mean absolutely nobody in the world is coming to save you and make it go away.

You have to slap on your man pants or your big girl panties or your super hero cape or whatever it is that makes you feel like a boss.

You have got to get beyond the victim mentality. You’ve got to learn to let go, or you will spend your entire life bitter and empty.

You have to realize that we’re all here living the same life and its totally up to you how you respond when things go wrong.

You are ultimately responsible for yourself. You decide who comes in your life and you also decide who has to go.

This is the part of your life where you learn how to truly love yourself.

You know that if you invited them in, then you can kick them out.

Your not a tree, move if your not happy.

Life is unfair and people are sometimes assholes, but guess what?!?!?!?

You can write a new story!

You can create a new life!

You can love again!

You can choose happiness over being right.

You don’t have to feel sorry for yourself and you don’t have to stay hurt forever.

You can learn how to trust again by learning what your worth and learning who’s worthy of your precious time.

I’m sorry that it hurts.

I’m sorry that people are insecure assholes and that you’ve been the victim of their insecurities.

Your worthy of so much more then where you are now and what you tolerate.

And the sooner you realize the better off your going to be.

Don’t let them make you bitter

Don’t let them make you give up

And don’t you ever think for one second that it’s all your fault.

It would be your fault if you continue to tolerate the shit that you don’t deserve.

Don’t ever believe their small minded opinions because that’s all they are

Silly judgments from insecure people who want to keep you small.

Turn the fucking page

Write a new Story

Let it go

Ain’t no one coming to save you

Except

For yourself

💜 Tay Tay

Bad ass warrior of change

The girl who changed her story

Getting real with pain you avoid daily

I believe everyone has a God-size hole inside of them that we try to fill with shopping or with a relationship or food or drugs or alcohol or work.

But it’s not out there.

It’s in here.

It’s an internal connection.

And that’s what a spiritual practice, listening to your intuition, having a creative expression, being of service is all about.

That is how you sustainably fill up your God-size hole.

Otherwise it’s like a drop that’s disconnected from the ocean.

You just wither and die.

Mastin Kipp

Every single thing your looking for already exists inside of you, but it’s easier to have a temporary high from the things that make us forget what we’re feeling, then it is to be still and work through the uncomfortable feelings that exist inside of us.

Learning to be with yourself isn’t the easier thing to do, because most of your life you’ve been searching outside of yourself.

It’s much easier to something else then it is to be still with yourself.

It’s what we’ve been taught our entire lives and it’s exactly what most of the world does.

Learning to listen to your intuition is the healthiest form of self love around. And if your going to become intuitive then you have to let go of all the other things that make you want to forget what your feeling.

How easy it would be to constantly avoid myself during these times of uncertainty, and some days I do. But other days I sit with it.

I get real my heart and I understand that those are the temporary things that will never leave me feeling full except for a moment.

This year I’ve changed my entire life and there’s no going back to the girl I once knew.

#authentic

#lifecoach

4 weeks after the horrific accident, I’m happy to smile again

It’s been 4 freaking weeks since my accident and a shit ton has happened between now and then.

My oh my how I grow and I heal every single week. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. I’ve felt every single possible emotion under the sun in the last month.

I wasn’t able to exercise or to do any kind of yoga until this week. If I did my mouth would have exploded. My body and my brain rely on yoga and jazzercise, for many different reasons.

Without those things in my life my body sort of turned to mush and my mind was sad because when I work out I release happy endorphins, and when I don’t I’m not as happy.

Going to jazzercise filled my heart beyond the normal because I missed them all dearly. As a matter of fact I should take a month off more often because I got like a million hugs and the love that I felt while I was there was exactly what this girl needed.

With every new embrace my light began to shine again. It was as though they were filling my cup with the light and the love that has been dim inside me lately.

I went to a restaurant for the first time and I even got to drink out of a straw. I’ve learned to embrace the toothless smile most of the time, unless there’s some hot guy around then I want to hide all together.

Eating isn’t easy but giving up everything you love to do isn’t easy either. I love Mexican and I was finally mentally strong enough to go there.

Stephie and I spent a good 3 hours there laughing and talking and enjoying ourselves. I’m so blessed by her and her conversations that I want to spend 3 hours every single week with her.

I did make them put us in the back of room and I faced the wall so only Stephanie would have to witness how I ate my chips, but I’m telling you every week I do something new, and some weeks I amaze myself.

Other days I’m the hot mess express. Going to court toothless was probably the hardest thing I did this week. I’m like he’s gonna think I’m a crack head, or he’s going to feel really sorry for me.

So glad my dad was there to support me because his presence made me stronger and I’m so lucky he’s mine.

Works getting easier and easier, and I’m starting to take more pictures again. I’ve got more guys hitting on me toothless then I did when I had teeth!!?!?!?!?

Not sure if they feel sorry me, or if they think they have a better chance because my teeth are missing, or if they just like a gappy girl, but it’s an interesting twist in the middle of the madness.

Maybe they distract me so I’m not focused on all the other shit that’s going on. I’ve learned a lot about boundaries this week and who is on my side and who isn’t. I’ve deleted and blocked more people from My Facebook then ever and I don’t feel one bit bad for it. If I get one negative vibe from you then you gots to go.

I’m in a place where I don’t have time for your nonsense and that’s because I love myself enough to know what honors me and what doesn’t.

I’ve learned how to have fun again this week. When I’m sitting in my car at the stop light and some guy waves at me, I wave back and then I smile real big just to see the look on his face.

It’s pretty freaking funny and I’m so glad my sense of humor is returning, because without it I’m not me.

This accident has tested my spirit, my strength, my determination, my self worth, my independence, my beauty, my bravery, my patience, and my ability to believe that everything happens for a reason.

While there are times that it really really sucks, there are a million times I find that I’m still blessed in the middle of the mess.

I’ve been able to learn exactly how loved I am. My friends show up all the time in the most amazing ways and there’s no other place I’d rather be, then hanging out with them.

I’ve learned how to receive this Holiday season as much as I give and it been a tremendous blessing. As a matter of fact maybe that’s why this happened. I needed to slow down and I needed to recharge my batteries.

God knew that in order for me to shine my light brighter I was going to have to overcome some more adversity. I don’t believe in coincidences, and I’m not really sure why this happened in the middle of everything else, but I can assure you that I’m not the same girl I was before this all began.

Maybe in 5 years I’ll look back on this and laugh a lot about the year I fractured my septum and went around toothless.

Maybe it happened because I’m able to see how lucky I am to have a family that loves and provides for my every need, and friends that are loyal and faithful until the end.

Maybe it’s because I had to learn that no matter what happens to me I’m a survivor and never the victim of my own life. Maybe I could maybe all day long but that’s not really me.

But I can tell you this, 4 weeks ago my life was flipped upside down.

I miss my teeth, and my home and my sense of security, but I sure don’t miss all the blessings that I’m surrounded with. I don’t miss one single bit of the love that you all sprinkle me with.

I know that I’m exactly where I need to be and I understand how much love I give you all because it’s all being returned to me right now.

Great relationships and friendships don’t just happen over night and I’ve got the biggest, bestest, bunch of bitches around and that makes my heart fuller then any amount of money in my bank account.

I go back to the dentist on Wednesday and I’m really hoping that I’m healed enough to get my Invisalign and to have my smile back again.

I can’t wait to talk normal again and to smile bigger. I’m excited to see what this week brings to me and I’m open to receiving an abundance of love during the holidays.

When life changes and your brave enough to keep going, you will learn to smile even when it hurts.

Thank you all for the love you give me and for reading my blog.

I would be lost without you.

💜 Tay Tay

The girl that won’t ever give up

We want someone to hold our hands but we don’t want………

We want someone to hold our hands but we don’t want to put the power to hurt us in their hands.

We want we want we want but what are we willing to give?

The world is full of broken people who are afraid. People don’t love themselves enough to commit to love because it’s so much easier to remain the same.

People want a best friend and a great relationship, but they are unwilling to look at what they are doing to keep themselves safe.

Human beings spend so much time focused on avoiding love that they aren’t even aware of the fact that it’s their own fears and insecurities that will keep them lonely and small for the rest of their lives.

They look at their phones and they compare themselves to others because it’s one of the best ways to avoid any kind of real feelings and to avoid ever getting hurt.

People tend to blame others for their own short comings and when they finally try again they take 1 step forward and then get so afraid that they take take 3 steps back.

We don’t want to do the work that it takes to learn about our own hearts. We do everything we can to avoid real because it’s easier to play games.

True connection will never come from those who avoid real intimacy. With Facebook and Pinterest and twitter and tinder and what ever else there is, we can always hide behind the pictures and the stories. We can trick ourselves into believing that those are real relationships but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

People who hide behind their phones will always hide because hiding is easy and instant gratification is safe. But it’s not real.

We can’t change our lives and love wholeheartedly if we’re always hiding from ourselves by holding onto our phones.

Most people feel more in control when they can just communicate from their phones and hide behind their screens, but this will never bring about real love.

It will bring you the exact same pattern of dysfunction that makes you feel afraid in the first place.

It’s soooooooo sad to me that the world is like this and that intimacy doesn’t exist anymore. It’s scary to think I’m going to have to date again and that social media is going to be where I meet someone.

Because I don’t want fake and I don’t want games. I’m the kind of girl that lives in her heart and in a world full of pretend I don’t know where I’ll fit in.

The depths of my soul go far beyond instant messenger and private Snapchats. A girl with a big heart needs so much more then the stories that are portrayed behind the scenes.

I crave true connection with authentic people that are committed to living a life full of love. Maybe there are more people like me out there, but the majority of the world prefers safe simply because it’s easy. They prefer games because then they won’t ever get hurt. They will always be in control and they will never find real because real comes with pain.

I don’t want a safe life that never warrants real love and real connection. I want a life where people talk on the phone, show up every night for dinner and aren’t afraid to be real.

There are times that I feel so deeply and strongly that I would love to call it a curse and I don’t want to vulnerable. But that’s not who I am and that’s not how God made me. And I’ll be damned if I ever let anyone or anything make me bitter because then I would be playing the game.

I’ll never let the ways of this world change who I am inside.

I won’t ever allow the fear of getting hurt ever stop me from trying to create something real that could heal every single part of my broken, because then I would be just like those who live small, safe lives.

I only have this one single life and I won’t waste it trying to be like the world.

I know that my heart is special and that I wasn’t made to be normal. I also know that you will never be able to love unless you can learn to be real. To not hide your truths behind a mask of hurt and to cause more pain to others because someone hurt me.

I will always learn and I will always grow and there won’t ever be one single experience that I regret because they are all here to teach me a lesson about myself.

I’ve learned to love myself exactly the way I am. I’ve learned how to take down the armor and to to show up time and time again, because speaking my truth and opening my heart is far more important then pretending to be something I’m not.

Being brave means you might get hurt, but I’d rather live a life that come from the heart then a life that comes from the pain.

Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place at the same time. Being authentic means showing all the parts of your heart and those include the ones that hurt you.

I choose love

I choose to use my voice even when it shakes

I choose to speak truth to bullshit

I choose to share my fears instead of hide behind them because love is the only thing that will heal our hearts and this world

I won’t ever stop being me 💜

I won’t ever stop trying and I will never live a life that doesn’t require a challenge on a daily basis

I hope your brave enough to learn how precious and how short your life is and to stop allowing the pain of others to keep you small

💜 Tay Tay

The most loyal heart around

How I learned to stop giving my power away

TAYTAYSFRESHFACES

Do you know how many times a day you give your power away?

A lot, if you don’t understand what I’m talking about. I still do it occasionally, however I have learned how to minimize my giving.

I’m a work in progress and so are you. This morning I felt compelled to write about this. When I say your giving your power away what I mean is that your energy needs to be focused else where.

We can only control ourselves and our responses to those we interact with. So we need to learn to focus on ourselves and not others.

You give your power away every single time you choose to be offended by someone. Don’t make other people’s dramas about you. Don’t take on their energy because they are unconscious and unhappy.

Every single time you find yourself feeling like the victim to someone else, you know that…

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