4 weeks after the horrific accident, I’m happy to smile again

It’s been 4 freaking weeks since my accident and a shit ton has happened between now and then.

My oh my how I grow and I heal every single week. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. I’ve felt every single possible emotion under the sun in the last month.

I wasn’t able to exercise or to do any kind of yoga until this week. If I did my mouth would have exploded. My body and my brain rely on yoga and jazzercise, for many different reasons.

Without those things in my life my body sort of turned to mush and my mind was sad because when I work out I release happy endorphins, and when I don’t I’m not as happy.

Going to jazzercise filled my heart beyond the normal because I missed them all dearly. As a matter of fact I should take a month off more often because I got like a million hugs and the love that I felt while I was there was exactly what this girl needed.

With every new embrace my light began to shine again. It was as though they were filling my cup with the light and the love that has been dim inside me lately.

I went to a restaurant for the first time and I even got to drink out of a straw. I’ve learned to embrace the toothless smile most of the time, unless there’s some hot guy around then I want to hide all together.

Eating isn’t easy but giving up everything you love to do isn’t easy either. I love Mexican and I was finally mentally strong enough to go there.

Stephie and I spent a good 3 hours there laughing and talking and enjoying ourselves. I’m so blessed by her and her conversations that I want to spend 3 hours every single week with her.

I did make them put us in the back of room and I faced the wall so only Stephanie would have to witness how I ate my chips, but I’m telling you every week I do something new, and some weeks I amaze myself.

Other days I’m the hot mess express. Going to court toothless was probably the hardest thing I did this week. I’m like he’s gonna think I’m a crack head, or he’s going to feel really sorry for me.

So glad my dad was there to support me because his presence made me stronger and I’m so lucky he’s mine.

Works getting easier and easier, and I’m starting to take more pictures again. I’ve got more guys hitting on me toothless then I did when I had teeth!!?!?!?!?

Not sure if they feel sorry me, or if they think they have a better chance because my teeth are missing, or if they just like a gappy girl, but it’s an interesting twist in the middle of the madness.

Maybe they distract me so I’m not focused on all the other shit that’s going on. I’ve learned a lot about boundaries this week and who is on my side and who isn’t. I’ve deleted and blocked more people from My Facebook then ever and I don’t feel one bit bad for it. If I get one negative vibe from you then you gots to go.

I’m in a place where I don’t have time for your nonsense and that’s because I love myself enough to know what honors me and what doesn’t.

I’ve learned how to have fun again this week. When I’m sitting in my car at the stop light and some guy waves at me, I wave back and then I smile real big just to see the look on his face.

It’s pretty freaking funny and I’m so glad my sense of humor is returning, because without it I’m not me.

This accident has tested my spirit, my strength, my determination, my self worth, my independence, my beauty, my bravery, my patience, and my ability to believe that everything happens for a reason.

While there are times that it really really sucks, there are a million times I find that I’m still blessed in the middle of the mess.

I’ve been able to learn exactly how loved I am. My friends show up all the time in the most amazing ways and there’s no other place I’d rather be, then hanging out with them.

I’ve learned how to receive this Holiday season as much as I give and it been a tremendous blessing. As a matter of fact maybe that’s why this happened. I needed to slow down and I needed to recharge my batteries.

God knew that in order for me to shine my light brighter I was going to have to overcome some more adversity. I don’t believe in coincidences, and I’m not really sure why this happened in the middle of everything else, but I can assure you that I’m not the same girl I was before this all began.

Maybe in 5 years I’ll look back on this and laugh a lot about the year I fractured my septum and went around toothless.

Maybe it happened because I’m able to see how lucky I am to have a family that loves and provides for my every need, and friends that are loyal and faithful until the end.

Maybe it’s because I had to learn that no matter what happens to me I’m a survivor and never the victim of my own life. Maybe I could maybe all day long but that’s not really me.

But I can tell you this, 4 weeks ago my life was flipped upside down.

I miss my teeth, and my home and my sense of security, but I sure don’t miss all the blessings that I’m surrounded with. I don’t miss one single bit of the love that you all sprinkle me with.

I know that I’m exactly where I need to be and I understand how much love I give you all because it’s all being returned to me right now.

Great relationships and friendships don’t just happen over night and I’ve got the biggest, bestest, bunch of bitches around and that makes my heart fuller then any amount of money in my bank account.

I go back to the dentist on Wednesday and I’m really hoping that I’m healed enough to get my Invisalign and to have my smile back again.

I can’t wait to talk normal again and to smile bigger. I’m excited to see what this week brings to me and I’m open to receiving an abundance of love during the holidays.

When life changes and your brave enough to keep going, you will learn to smile even when it hurts.

Thank you all for the love you give me and for reading my blog.

I would be lost without you.

💜 Tay Tay

The girl that won’t ever give up

We want someone to hold our hands but we don’t want………

We want someone to hold our hands but we don’t want to put the power to hurt us in their hands.

We want we want we want but what are we willing to give?

The world is full of broken people who are afraid. People don’t love themselves enough to commit to love because it’s so much easier to remain the same.

People want a best friend and a great relationship, but they are unwilling to look at what they are doing to keep themselves safe.

Human beings spend so much time focused on avoiding love that they aren’t even aware of the fact that it’s their own fears and insecurities that will keep them lonely and small for the rest of their lives.

They look at their phones and they compare themselves to others because it’s one of the best ways to avoid any kind of real feelings and to avoid ever getting hurt.

People tend to blame others for their own short comings and when they finally try again they take 1 step forward and then get so afraid that they take take 3 steps back.

We don’t want to do the work that it takes to learn about our own hearts. We do everything we can to avoid real because it’s easier to play games.

True connection will never come from those who avoid real intimacy. With Facebook and Pinterest and twitter and tinder and what ever else there is, we can always hide behind the pictures and the stories. We can trick ourselves into believing that those are real relationships but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

People who hide behind their phones will always hide because hiding is easy and instant gratification is safe. But it’s not real.

We can’t change our lives and love wholeheartedly if we’re always hiding from ourselves by holding onto our phones.

Most people feel more in control when they can just communicate from their phones and hide behind their screens, but this will never bring about real love.

It will bring you the exact same pattern of dysfunction that makes you feel afraid in the first place.

It’s soooooooo sad to me that the world is like this and that intimacy doesn’t exist anymore. It’s scary to think I’m going to have to date again and that social media is going to be where I meet someone.

Because I don’t want fake and I don’t want games. I’m the kind of girl that lives in her heart and in a world full of pretend I don’t know where I’ll fit in.

The depths of my soul go far beyond instant messenger and private Snapchats. A girl with a big heart needs so much more then the stories that are portrayed behind the scenes.

I crave true connection with authentic people that are committed to living a life full of love. Maybe there are more people like me out there, but the majority of the world prefers safe simply because it’s easy. They prefer games because then they won’t ever get hurt. They will always be in control and they will never find real because real comes with pain.

I don’t want a safe life that never warrants real love and real connection. I want a life where people talk on the phone, show up every night for dinner and aren’t afraid to be real.

There are times that I feel so deeply and strongly that I would love to call it a curse and I don’t want to vulnerable. But that’s not who I am and that’s not how God made me. And I’ll be damned if I ever let anyone or anything make me bitter because then I would be playing the game.

I’ll never let the ways of this world change who I am inside.

I won’t ever allow the fear of getting hurt ever stop me from trying to create something real that could heal every single part of my broken, because then I would be just like those who live small, safe lives.

I only have this one single life and I won’t waste it trying to be like the world.

I know that my heart is special and that I wasn’t made to be normal. I also know that you will never be able to love unless you can learn to be real. To not hide your truths behind a mask of hurt and to cause more pain to others because someone hurt me.

I will always learn and I will always grow and there won’t ever be one single experience that I regret because they are all here to teach me a lesson about myself.

I’ve learned to love myself exactly the way I am. I’ve learned how to take down the armor and to to show up time and time again, because speaking my truth and opening my heart is far more important then pretending to be something I’m not.

Being brave means you might get hurt, but I’d rather live a life that come from the heart then a life that comes from the pain.

Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place at the same time. Being authentic means showing all the parts of your heart and those include the ones that hurt you.

I choose love

I choose to use my voice even when it shakes

I choose to speak truth to bullshit

I choose to share my fears instead of hide behind them because love is the only thing that will heal our hearts and this world

I won’t ever stop being me 💜

I won’t ever stop trying and I will never live a life that doesn’t require a challenge on a daily basis

I hope your brave enough to learn how precious and how short your life is and to stop allowing the pain of others to keep you small

💜 Tay Tay

The most loyal heart around

How I learned to stop giving my power away

TAYTAYSFRESHFACES

Do you know how many times a day you give your power away?

A lot, if you don’t understand what I’m talking about. I still do it occasionally, however I have learned how to minimize my giving.

I’m a work in progress and so are you. This morning I felt compelled to write about this. When I say your giving your power away what I mean is that your energy needs to be focused else where.

We can only control ourselves and our responses to those we interact with. So we need to learn to focus on ourselves and not others.

You give your power away every single time you choose to be offended by someone. Don’t make other people’s dramas about you. Don’t take on their energy because they are unconscious and unhappy.

Every single time you find yourself feeling like the victim to someone else, you know that…

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I’m ready for a new Christmas even if it’s alone

Some of you might feel sad for me because of where I am right now and what’s been going on in my life. But there’s no need to be.

December is full of chaos and hustle, mines been full of what’s nexts and a lot of firsts. But I can tell you this, I’m still excited.

Yes there are times when I’m like unprepared and I’m certainly not ready for Christmas yet. I need to shop and wrap and do a lot of things that I haven’t done yet, but I’ll figure it out as I go.

I’m going to miss a few things about my normal Christmas but there’s a whole lot more that I’m excited about.

When It comes to change I pretty much changed everything in my entire life this year. I’m proud of myself on so many levels for refusing to live a life that made me miserable.

I’m blessed by my family and by my friends on so many levels that they are my gifts this year. Their presence in my life has been the biggest blessing I could ever receive.

I’ve spent more time with them in the last few months then I have in years. I’m excited about a lot of new things and people that I have to look forward to. I can’t wait to see where this year takes me and I’m not going to be stuck in the muck forever.

I wanted to thank every single one of you that have helped me get through my accident and supported my dreams this year.

Your presence and love in my life fills my heart in ways that you will never understand.

You are my Christmas Magic and I just wanted to say I love you.

Change isn’t easy friends but you can’t live a brave life by playing it small.

You will be rewarded when you learn to let go!

God will place new miracles in your life and I can’t wait to see where next year takes me.

I

Love you

Thanks for supporting my dreams

No one said it was going to be easy

When I decided to change my life I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

I understand the challenges that come with creating new and I also understand the strength and the determination that it takes to do this.

I love myself, my whole self and I’ve had to fight real hard to become the woman I am today. There’s been a million people who want to hold me back, and if I believed their opinions over my own then I wouldn’t be here writing to you today.

Change is absolutely the scariest thing in the entire world, but so is living a life afraid and on auto pilot. The things that threaten to keep us small are the very things that we need to heal inside of our souls.

If change were easy then we would all be living brave lives unworried about what the worlds thinking of us. Uncertainty brings about a whole different kind of emotions and at times it can be overwhelming.

However my spirit is to big and my heart is to genuine to live a life that’s not real. To stay somewhere that’s not healthy for my spiritual growth, and to live in denial because it’s easier.

I’m a complicated woman with a heart of gold. I’ve never lived and easy life and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s in the very darkest days that my soul grows the most.

You can gossip about me and you can try to bring me down to your level of insecurities, but in the end you should know that I’m here to live a brave life and it has nothing to do with what others think of me.

My life is unique and I’m strong enough to live it. I’m brave enough to change it and I’m wise enough to know who to love and who to let go.

I am not perfect I am a beautiful girl with a big soul that’s ready to let go of my past and move on with my future.

I don’t need to lie about who I am or what I stand for because if I’m anything I’m genuine. I know how to laugh at myself. I know when I’m being stubborn. I know when I’m giving to much to those who don’t deserve it.

I’ve learned so much in the last few years but what I’ve learned the most is that I’m worth it 💜

Authenticity Repels Fake Every Single Time

There’s so much about this week that sucks. Tomorrow’s a big day for me (just pray), and I have so many different feeling and emotions going on that I’m not even sure how I’m going to feel next.

There are times in your life when you are going to be tested by everyone and everything. I’m so lucky to have a group of real authentic people around me supporting me, and I’m happy as hell to let go of the fake ones that bring any negativity or drama to my life.

I have zero time for anyone who doesn’t have my best interest in their heart. You can’t just sometimes want to be my friend, I’m not that kind of girl. It’s not about you right now it’s about me.

I’m not a sometimes kind of person, I’m like an all in kind of girl. When your on my team I’m all for you and you won’t ever have to question my loyalty because I’ll show it to you every single day.

I find myself confused and afraid somedays, while others Day I’m a bad ass warrior ready to take on the world. I’m guessing this is normal for what I’ve been going through, but it doesn’t make it an easier.

Have you ever woke up crying?

I did today, and it’s because I feel to much and I love to hard and I often times trust the wrong people and then I have to learn to let go.

I can’t explain myself to those who are committed to misunderstanding me. I don’t have the energy to waste on friends and people who don’t get it, and I’m not sorry for that either.

When it comes to uncertainty you must learn to let go of any negative bullshit.

I’m not a people pleaser and I don’t do fake.

I’m here to live the most authentic life I can possibly live and that quite honestly scares the hell out of some people.

If someone thinks your to much or doesn’t understand you then those aren’t your people, and you shouldn’t waste another second explaining yourself to them.

The people that are yours, continue to show up every single day, even when times are hard. The people that get you are the ones that are consistently there for you.

I wish I could say that every day was easy and that I don’t have to deal with negative bull shit, but that would be a big fat lie.

Those of you close to me already know every intimate detail of what’s going on. Those of you who want be close to me, have a lot to prove before I’ll let you in.

Those of you who pretend to my friend and then do something really really stupid that proves your not are just teaching me another lesson in boundaries.

I used to feel guilty for cutting people out of my life, but that’s not the case anymore. If you hand me the scissors I’ll more then gladly cut you off.

People can either make you feel really good and loved, or they make you feel really bad and and unlovable. When it comes to my life and what I’m going through and what I’m feeling you don’t get to decide if your staying or going.

Those decisions will come from me and from my heart. Boundaries have saved my heart, my life, my self worth and so much more.

You can’t bring that fake shit to a girl as strong as I am.

You can’t explain why certain things are ok for you because they aren’t ok with me and I’m not afraid to tell you.

I’m taking this December one day at a time and next week I hope and pray that my mouth is healed enough to be able to have some normalcy again.

But if it’s not I’ll survive, just like I have thus far. I’ll make it through Christmas discombobulated and out of my comfort zone and I’ll take it one day at a time.

I don’t know what each day brings but I do know this, I deserve the love that I give so freely. I deserve the loyalty that I invest into my relationships and friendships and if I should feel that your not as loyal then you will have to go.

There’s no time for doubt right now and there’s zero time for negative energy. I’m strong enough to let love in and I love myself enough to know when to let go.

💜 Tay Tay