I was blessed with the most amazing sky this morning. What a gift it was to witness.
It’s going to be different for me this Valentine’s Day but probably not in the way that you think.
Valentine’s Day is all about love. When I was single long before I ever got married I remember longing for a Valentine. I wanted someone to share that special day with.
I was so jealous that I didn’t have anyone to spoil me and show me how much they loved me. I often compared my singleness to their love and found myself sad and depressed on Valentine’s Day.
Then I met my husband (soon to be ex) and I still remember the first valentines present I ever bought him. It was a pair of silk boxers with red hearts on them. (Part Of The reason I remember so well is because I just threw those bitches away a few years ago, and I had to hide them in the bottom of the trash can so he wouldn’t see them)
He bought me the most beautiful little music box and I still adore it to this day. I remember these things so vividly because it was our first one together and it was so freaking special to me.
I also think it was probably the first and the last time he ever put any real effort into making my day special. It was like a one and done sort of thing so of course I remembered.
After a few years of hoping that he would spoil me again I got tired of feeling disappointed. I wanted romance and love and all the sweet feelings that came with it.
But he talked me out of it. Sure we went to dinner sometimes, but it was with a check that his mom sent us in the mail. (So romantic huh)
I got a card a few times and if I was really lucky he might even write a message in it for me. Flowers once in a blue moon.
Even though I just knew once I was married my Valentine’s Day would be completely different, it wasn’t at all what my heart desired.
How could this be?
How could I finally have a man and still feel empty and sad on Valentine’s Day? I thought for sure after that first VD I was going to have a life time of mushy gushy presents and love.
Did he trick me?
Or did he just do what he had to do to win me over?
I think he probably learned how to treat his wife by watching his dad and his mom. It’s where we learn everything from.
Over the years I tried to push away my desire to be spoiled and loved on Valentine’s Day and sometimes I actually convinced myself that I didn’t need anything from him.
But friends that was a lie.
I need love and I deserve to be spoiled every single day of my life and not just on Valentine’s Day. But I picked a guy who doesn’t know how to do that.
I picked a man that’s all about himself and that never changed.
But I changed!
I grew 💜 and I blossomed into the beautiful soul God wanted me to be.
God gives us love because it changes us
If your in a marriage where your not changing then your in the wrong love story and I encourage you to move on.
I don’t regret a single year of my entire life and I’m so happy that I finally learned what a healthy marriage is supposed to look like.
I’m so glad that God gave me Jon because I would have never been able to love the way I do now without spending 20 years with him.
I want to leave you all with this……….
Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful dance of desire and romance and if yours is as stale as yesterday’s oatmeal get the hell out.
Today I’ll spoil myself with the spousal support I finally received after months of being on my own.
I won’t harbor resentment for him at all because I’m well on my way to healing a broken heart and loving myself better then I ever have in my entire life.
I will tell you guys this though, don’t wait and beg and plead and hope that someone loves you the way you want to be loved.
Theirs actions will always show you who and what’s important. You have to be strong enough to love yourself if you ever want a partner who loves you.
Happy Valentines Day
Single and ready to mingle in like 3 months when I get my teeth ha ha ha
I love you all
Thanks for reading my blog it continues to grow a shit ton every single month 🙏