Good morning beautiful souls! I hope this blog finds you well, wherever you may be. You know since becoming a yoga teacher, I’ve been on the spiritual journey even deeper then I was before.
So this morning I’m writing about what I let go of this year. As I’ve been reflecting back upon the pain and the love that was felt this year I’m often times confused. But at other times I’ve never seen my life with a clearer set of lenses.
My word for the year is denial. It’s a hard one and it’s going to take constant work to keep with it. But I truly choose to stop living in denial.
We are often times blinded by those we love the most, but when we take a step back to see the whole picture we are able to process things differently.
Denial keeps us safe, but it also makes us a sucker. We must be willing to admit that we don’t see people the way they are right now, but rather the way they used to be.
I know it’s hurts dear one, because I’ve felt the pain of a million heartbreaks this year. I’ve had to come to terms with some unhealthy relationships, with family and friends.
I stopped denying the truths of others actions and behaviors and I told the truth about how I felt and what I needed. I stopped being co-dependent and this left me with very few real relationships in my life.
But nonetheless I kept going. When my heart was breaking from a mothers point of view, and I wasn’t sure what was next, I got on my knees and I gave it away. I will not be in denial about the life others choose to live, but I will not partake in enabling behaviors with anyone I love. I will not blame myself for the path that others have chosen, and I will forgive myself for the past.
I will not deny the fact that my heart was broken this year by a very close friend. It’s true, and it’s painful and I never in a million years saw it coming. But in the midst of the hurt, I was able to see the actions that were taken, the words that were spoken and the secrets that were creeping between us.
I can’t deny the fact that I had a grown up conversation with a family member, who refuses to see the truth. So that means I can’t spend time with this person because they can’t hold space for my truths, or my authentic self.
I can tell you that I’ve spent my entire life trying to figure out how to simply love, even through all of the fucking pain. Denial is not where it’s at when it comes to spiritual growth.
Pull up the the things that have bothered you this year.
All the times you kept your mouth shut to keep the peace.
Every single time you felt hurt but refused to talk about it.
All the times you felt used instead of loved and then be brave enough to stop denying all of the people who are NOT love.
You can do brave things and I believe in you.