I smile because I know what it’s like to lose your smile

Good morning friends!

It’s been a whirlwind of a year and since the anniversary of my accident just passed these reminders keep popping up every where.

I look at these pictures and I wonder how the hell I did it. I don’t know how I survived any of that.

This picture was the first time I had to go out in public with no teeth. My best friend and I were taking our daughters to the jingle jam and I couldn’t let them down.

So I sucked it up and I went to the concert and I did what I had to do. If you remember reading my blog back then I met an angel that night who helped me further accept my situation.

We stood right beside a beautiful family with an adopted little girl, and her best friend had lost her teeth right before her wedding.

I know! What are the chances with all of those people around that we stand right beside these friends?

It was no coincidence that I was blessed with that story because she showed me her friends IG account and told me how she just finally embraced it.

And I’m not sure if embracing is the word I would use for what I did, but after that night I let it all go.

It’s not the beauty that I missed. It was the smiling, and the talking and the laughing. It was not being in pain and being able to eat again. It was for sure one of the absolute darkest days of my entire life.

And that’s why I have to write about it now. Because it’s more trauma that I have to process so it doesn’t get stuck inside me.

It’s been a crazy, unexplainable year and even though it’s turned out amazing there are some things I can never get back and that I’ll always miss for the rest of my life.

I’m so happy that I’m here today and that I survived all of the tests that were sent to destroy me. I’ll never ever be the same girl I was before any of this occurred, but then isn’t that the reason the storm comes in the first place?

You can’t ever really understand what it’s like to have a fractured septum, emergency surgery wide awake, and then to be toothless and disfigured for a while unless you’ve actually had a similar accident.

But I can tell you that I hope you never have to experience an accident like I went through.

Healing means feeling, and last year I was just surviving.

Thank you so very much to the “REAL” friends that showed up in my life. To the ones that sat with me in the dark. To the ones that helped with money and with presence. To those who listened, who cared who showed up, I hope that I can be a light for you one day when you find yourself in the darkness.

The things that were meant to destroy me only made me stronger and softer at the exact same time. I am fully able to show up and love with my whole heart for the very first time in my entire life.

My lights going to shine brighter then it ever has before, and it’s only because I survived the darkness.

I love you so very much

💜Tay Tay

Peace God Bless Namaste

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