Facebook reminded me yesterday that my most tagged friend is Renee’. But guess what Facebook doesn’t know? They don’t know that I won’t ever get a chance to take another picture with this beautiful girl because she’s in heaven.
Facebook I love you and I hate you all in the same breath.
Talk about grabbing me by the throat and twisting my guts out , because that’s what it felt like. One second I’m smiling like there’s my girl! And the next second it hits me like a ton of brick! You won’t ever have this moment again.
And there in lies the pain of missing someone that meant so much to you. How do I accept never again taking a picture with you?!?!? I don’t know how to do this! I don’t even want to do it some days if I’m being completely honest, but I know I don’t have a choice.
I miss you soooooooo fucking much it hurts. I woke up during the full moon on 12/12 at 12 just so I could visit you.
I know you were there but it’s not the same. And I know that lots of times I’m doing the very best I can to live a life without you, but sometimes I just want to throw a fit.
Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and cry and throw a huge tantrum. (Is this acceptable?!?) I want to stomp my feet and slam my fists into the carpet because my human mind and my human heart long for your laughter and your love.
I love these memories and at the same time they remind me how much I miss you. They remind me how much I wish we could just have one more girls night. One more night with no responsibilities, and no worries. One night like before you were sick and before we knew what was going to happen.
I will always and forever wish for one more night with you, because you my friend were the true meaning of grace and I’ll never stop missing you or talking about you or writing about you because it’s the only way I know how to love you when your not here.
💜 Your Broken Bestie