Last year on this day I was hiding in a bed at my moms house. I had just had a horrible accident that left me with a fractured septum and emergency surgery to remove my 2 front teeth that went through my lip.
This after dealing with a broken heart and news that my best friends cancer had returned. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so broken and so defeated in my entire life. My spirit is hanging on by the littlest of threads here.
I look at my eyes and I see a tired tired girl
With swollen eyes from
Crying so very much 💜
I see a girl that has been through it all
I see her exhausted and wanting to quit
I see her unable to smile or talk or eat
I see her hiding in the other room during Thanksgiving dinner trying to save the family the agony of looking at her
I see a woman that’s defeated
But refuses to quit
I see so much from this one picture
But mostly I see the pain
I see the sadness
I see the grief
But I also see a strong ass woman who refuses to be broken no matter what life throws her way.
There were times when bitterness and resentment threatened to destroy every single part of me. Unable to talk, sing, sneeze, drink, spit, smile, eat, or do anything that I normally I was pushed to the limit.
It was darker then it’s ever been in my entire life but all along there was a little spark of hope and light that never went out. There was a place inside me that was waiting on me to come home to it,but first I was going to have to face the storms.
And I did just that. I braved through the muckery one day at a time, never knowing how I’d make it to the end, but giving it my best every single day.
During my recovery I found this little Quotw and I love it. It’s the Latin term amor fati-“love of fate.”
Instead of bemoaning your fate-and sometimes our fates are terrible-we love our fate. Amor fati.
It’s a way of being grateful.
I’m going to love what happened to me because I trust it’s here to remove a veil. I’m going to search for what’s happening to me in this time so I can take away yet another misconception.
You see dear friends that we often want to run from the hard times, but you can’t. Sometimes life’s fucking awful and at other times it’s amazing, and it’s always going to be this way.
You can’t have the light unless you also have the dark.
I hope your brave enough to lift the veils off of yourself one tragedy at a time.
💜 Tay Tay