I miss you so fucking much some days I don’t know how I can go on.
There are times when I know your close by because I feel you so intensely that I get goosebumps.
But having you in my heart is not the same as being able to call you up and tell you all of my problems.
I miss our conversations so much it hurts. I love it when memories of you come up on my time hop because it makes me feel closer to you.
I’ll always wonder if I did everything right during your death because the truth is that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch in my entire life.
I don’t even think I’ve processed you being gone completely yet, and maybe I never will.
Just the other day when we were getting the Christmas decorations out I had a little break down. I call it little because for a moment I cried and I wept for you, but the. I was able to get back in the present moment.
You see every single year when I get out my decorations I always forget about this one picture.
And this year was absolutely no different.
I pulled this picture out and I went to text you and say look what I found just like I have every single year since this picture was taken.
But this year when I had that thought I realized I was never going to text you again and it hurts my heart so very much.
How can I possibly survive the next 20 years of life without my best friend?
I don’t know how everyone’s going to make it through the holidays without you because all of our hearts are missing you.
I know it’s beautiful where you are and that your not in any pain and that’s what keeps me going.
If I’m selfish and I think about all of the memories I’ll never get to make with you, my heart will continue to suffer.
But if I’m able to remember all of the glorious times we spent together then I can feel my heart begin to soften and smile.
I hope you know how much I loved you. I hope I’m honoring you and your name as we continue on this journey called life.
I will always and forever share your love and your light with the world. I promise to never stop talking about you and all of our amazing memories. (And I will even keep all of your secrets until the day I die)
We’re going to go see Charlie Puth because he’s coming to Ohio and we’re taking Maya with us. I know that you will be there in spirit.
I’ll never be the same without you
Broken hearted bestie
💜 Tay Tay