Last year I lost everything and this year I’m rebuilding my life. I lived strictly on autopilot, merely surviving.
A shell of myself trying to find the strength to keep going.
One thing after another I wanted to ask WHY?
But I knew the answers were redundant. It was a season of darkness and I was being planted.
But this year I’ll live in the light. I’ll bask in the glow of love and I’ll heal all the things that hurt so bad last year.
There will be seasons of complete darkness in your life. When there’s not one major catastrophe, but rather several all at the same time. When your in mental pain, physical pain, emotional pain and every other kind of pain imaginable.
You will be consumed with grief and if your like me then maybe it’s your first go round with it. It’s almost the one year mark for my accident, and I know that this all part of the healing.
I survived the physical pain of the accident, but I’m now healing the trauma caused by the entire situation. The shock Of the accident was overwhelming. I really went through hard shit and even I’m not sure how I did it.
How I didn’t quit. How I went out in public. How I continued to work. How I sucked it up and went to a concert and how I was really fucking sad a lot of the time, and mad the other time.
I’m not sure how my friends were able to look at me for a while and I’m not even sure how I looked at myself.
I understand that there’s no reason to waste time asking WHY things happen because that’s not a road where I’ll find any peace or solace.
But I can tell you this as I sit back today and I write to you from a place of light, I’m stronger because of it all. It tried to break me but it didn’t succeed.
The last year was hard, but it’s taught me so much about my life and what’s truly important. I know what it’s like to be alone and afraid and still show up every single day for yourself.
I know what it’s like to spend hours upon hours alone because your in so much pain you don’t want to leave your room. I also know what it’s like to finally drag your ass out of the house even though you don’t want to be seen by anyone.
But as I’ve shared with you time and time again we can’t have light without dark. ☯️
Life is a beautiful gift full of ups and downs and I hope you understand that soon enough good things will come your way again and you will look back and understand it all better.
But in the meantime hold tight and keep going little fighter.
💜 Tay Tay
Peace God Bless Namaste