Closing my eyes to old ends and opening my heart to new beginnings

Sometimes chapters end sadly. Sometimes love doesn’t conquer all because fears take over and outside influences poison a good thing.

Try as I might to make things in my life go the way that I want them to, the one thing I’ve learned how to do is to choose acceptance.

And acceptance isn’t easy or fun because it means that we give up the hope of controlling and manipulating relationships and love.

We realize that love isn’t about taking it’s about giving and that maybe we did have it wrong.

I have to be honest with you, I used to be so afraid all of the time and there are many times when I find myself headed straight towards the darkness even though I’m conscious.

Its the way our brains are made, we want to avoid pain so we do things to keep us safe. We avoid love because it doesn’t come with any guarantees. We live out our childhood traumas until they no longer serve a purpose.

We spend so much of our lives trying to play it safe that we miss out on the real adventures that lie in the every day routines of those that we love.

Today I’m beginning a new chapter. After 9 months of living in a room at my mommas house I’m going back home.

I’m excited and I’m nervous! I’m happy and I’m sad! I’m so many things that I don’t think I could possibly describe them all.

Its going to be so hard to go there and to not see my soon to be ex husbands clothes and his shoes and his scent.

I’m going back to a house that was once ours and I now have to make it mine. It’s going to be an emotional roller coaster just like the entire last 9 months have been.

I’m so glad that that we are able to get along now and to move forward in a way that’s best for our beautiful daughter. I most certainly have visited all the stages of grief lately and I’m ready to move forward with love.

I’ve never experienced such pain in my entire life but I do know that after the storm comes a beautiful gift. When you don’t quit on yourself you will be rewarded with the love of a lifetime.

You deserve to be adored and spoiled and you deserve the connection of a lifetime. You deserve to have a magical kind of love that’s far from perfect, but that’s uniquely yours, and I promise one day you will find it.

Everything happens for a reason!

There are no coincidences in life!

“You can’t do anything brave if your wearing the straight jacket of what will people think” Beene’ Brown

I’m ready for new adventures and big love.

I’m ok with being afraid and still taking action, because most of what we think isn’t even true.

Here’s to my new place, I’m scared but I’m still moving forward.

I love you beautiful friends

šŸ’œ Tay Tay

Peace God Bless Namaste

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