Good Sunday afternoon beautiful souls! I’ve had the most amazing weekend ever, filled with love and Light and lots of laughter.
Did you know that the more you laugh the longer you live?
It’s completely true, so make sure you hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Today I’m going to write to you from a different space. It’s a place that I’ve had to work really hard to get to but I promise you that it was so worth it.
For those of you who have been following my journey you know that I’ve been going through a shit ton of changes over the last year.
And while I’m not going to give you a recap (you’ll just have to read my old blogs) I can tell you that over the last couple of weeks something inside of me has changed.
You see I’m getting a divorce and it’s my first and last time getting one so it’s been a learning experience to say the least.
It’s also been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my entire life and I did not take it lightly.
However, after 9 months of complete darkness I’ve finally been able to see the light. I understand my need to hold onto the hurt instead of let go and begin to heal.
I see so many people that hate their exes and I don’t want to be that person anymore. It’s not an easy thing to try to heal the pin because it’s so hurtful but at the same time I can’t carry this nonsense around inside of me forever.
The present moment is the only thing I really have. It’s time to move forward with grace instead of with pain.
I said to my mom the other day
Mom, what’s the point of getting a divorce if I’m still holding onto the pain and animosity that I had while I was married.
I wanted to teach Peyton what love looks like but I’m afraid over the last 9 months I taught her what more fear looks like.
She’s been in and out of the courthouse more times then I can count and not a single thing has changed.
I’m not here to beat myself up because I was doing the very best that I could, but now I’m ready to do better. I know what needs to happen in order to let go of the pain and I’m finally at a place where I’m healed enough to hold space for this.
And so I began the journey of trying to come up with a plan for Peyton that didn’t involve the court system. I reached out to my ex and expressed my concerns to him about not protecting our daughter, and we began negotiations on our own.
I told Peyton that her dad and I were going to be communicating in a different manner then we had in the past because it was the best thing for her.
I also had some humble pie with her and let her know that I was sorry for any hurt that I may have caused her during this entire process and that I was working wholeheartedly to see that I could provide her with love and balance from this day forward.
Of course she said she thinks it’s weird but she was also was happier then I’ve seen her in months, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.
Healing comes from the heart ❤️
These are the days of my life! I grow with you and in front of you so that you might know that your never alone.
I’m looking forward to a future filled with grace and Light and love
💜 Tay Tay
Let go of the illusion that it could have been any different