The struggle is real

Today was an emotional day for me. Excited because I finally got to go back to the dentist and start the process of getting my implants.

In pain afterwards because that shits no joke. I think being back in that chair brought back some pretty traumatic memories for me.

I show you my face when it’s happy and I’ll show it you when it’s sad also.

Maybe I’m crying because I had to take out a $10,000 loan to pay for it. Maybe I’m crying because I’m in the middle of a divorce and I just want it over. Maybe I’m crying because it was painful as hell. Maybe I’m crying because I’m fighting for my happiness right now. Maybe I’m crying because my soul needed to weep because it’s tired. Maybe I’m crying because my friends cancer is back. Maybe I’m crying because I live at my moms. Maybe I’m crying because I’m happy to get started on the implants, but I’m sad that I have to go 3 more months without teeth.

Or maybe I’m crying because my souls unable to speak. Sometimes life brings us storms that we can’t even begin to understand.

Why does it all have to happen at the Same time?

Why can’t we spread all this shit out over a few years?

Why does it need to be like all at once?

I could continue with the Why’s but thats not going to get me anywhere. Instead I will allow myself to be sad when I’m sad.

I welcome mad and angry and hurt and betrayed, but I also welcome happy, and excited and new. I’ve learned to meet myself wherever I am and I’m not afraid to ever be me.

I am a woman who’s been through hell and back and I’m still here to tell you about it. I believe God knew exactly what he was doing when it came to making me resilient.

You cannot imagine the struggles I’ve ensued but I can promise you this, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today without every single struggle I’ve overcome.

Empathy comes from trauma, and if you’ve never had anything traumatic happen to you then you can’t have a lick of empathy.

And empathy is my superpower ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™€๏ธ

I will stand tall and fight this fight just like I always do. I’ll show my kids where strength comes from and I won’t ever give up or give in.

One day I will look back on this time and I will laugh about it, but for now I’ll meet myself right in the middle of the mess and I’ll be even stronger then I was before it all began.

The only person who’s ever saved me is myself and of course my one true father.

Life just fucking sucks sometimes but imagine all the joy that’s going to come my way for never giving up.


6 thoughts on “The struggle is real

  1. I feel for you. My little sister had an accident when she was 13 and lost all of her teeth. It was so sad because at age 13, a young girl really begins to look at herself and evaluate her looks and all. I know she had a tough time having to visit the dentists for so long, and because of money issues she still has yet to get full implants.

    Iโ€™m so sorry this happened to the both of you and my heart goes out to you. I canโ€™t imagine how tough it is, but you are strong because youโ€™ve made it this far. Cry when you need to and donโ€™t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Hang in there, and remember youโ€™re always beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through this but remember God never puts more on us than we can handle. You’re a brave strong woman and you will get through this. I have every confidence in YOU! Chin and prayers up my friend. You are admired ๐ŸŒน

    Liked by 1 person

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