It’s been a rough couple weeks around here, but I’m still going. I had an accident exactly 2 weeks ago today and I had to have emergency surgery on my mouth wise awake and I have a fractured septum. (If you want know more about the accident read the blog) ✌️
I’ve never broken or fractured anything in my life, so in true form my first one comes at the most random time and in the most uncomfortable place.
I’m healing one day at a time and everyday gets a little bit better, but it doesn’t mean that it’s fun or that it’s easy.
Somedays are really good and somedays are pretty shitty. I’ve made some strides and I can now brush my teeth, but I still can’t spit. I can drink my coffee hot instead of lukewarm and I can eat some real food.
I can almost half ass smile but it hurts a lot when I forget and do it. I still can’t sneeze. I’m not aloud to cough and can’t blow my nose.
These things are natural every day occurrences and when you have to put a ton of mental energy into not forgetting to do the simple things, it’s even more draining then the divorce I’m currently going through.
I can talk a little bit better, but if I do it for to long I pay the price later on. I went out into the world yesterday without a mask on and braved walmart with my beautiful grand baby.
She’s also toothless but she’s 3 and she’s much cuter than I am without teeth.
This is the first picture I’ve put into the world without my teeth so I’m guessing that’s progress as well.
As I continue to heal I’m often bombarded with lots of other issues in my life and I sometimes wonder when it will ever end.
You can’t possibly understand unless you’ve been through something like this before. There’s really nothing you can say to make it go away, or to make me feel better.
I know my beauty comes from the inside and I also know that this is temporary. But it doesn’t change anything.
Could you walk around without your teeth?
Or would you hide behind the mask?
I know one day I will be able to look back on this and laugh about it, but until that day I’m going to have to battle the storms that threaten my spirit.
I have to take this shit one day at a time or I will become completely overwhelmed with all that I still have to face. I can’t wait to go to court with no teeth. It’s either going to work for me or against me and I’m guessing there’s no in between.
If you want to know what I really need from you it’s for you just to be there.
Don’t tell me I’m still beautiful. Tell me you understand how much this sucks. Don’t tell me everything will be alright, just tell me that you see me and and that your there for me.
Don’t try to make the hurt or the pain go away because I don’t want it get stuck inside of me, so I’ll continue to meet myself wherever I am for the day.
To pretend I’m always happy would be a big fat lie, and so would acting like I’m sad all the time.
There’s no telling what I’m going to feel from one hour to the next. I just know that I won’t ever quit. I won’t ever give up and I won’t ever stop fighting.
All that I do, I do for her. She’s watching my every move and she’s taking her cues from her momma. My daughters getting a first hand lesson on never giving up.
She’s learning how to be strong even when your weak. She’s learning that with a little bit of faith and whole lot of perseverance you can create a new world.
She’s also learning what it’s like to stand up for yourself and for the love that your heart deserves.
It’s hard to put my shit aside some days and show up for her on an emotional level, but that’s what conscious parents do. They push their own troubles aside and put the needs of their kids before the needs of their own.
I’m far from perfect but I am perfect for her.
Don’t ever question my abilities to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally because those are the very traits that God blesses me with and now I get to pass them onto her.
I hope that no matter what your going through that you know that your not alone.
💜 Tay Tay
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