Today my spirits weak and even though I prefer strong and I prefer positive there are times I have to be still and recharge my soul
I won’t push away the sadness because it’s here to teach me about myself
I won’t deny the pain and the uncertainty and
The amount of power it takes to be strong
Instead today I’ll sit with my grief
When we go through hard times some days are shitty and some days are amazing.
Today I woke up feeling so sad. I don’t feel alone because I know that’s not true. But I feel tired and I feel worn out.
I feel like I need a break today and that it’s hard for me to be still with the pain of all that I’ve been through and all that I still have yet to face.
I feel like it’s never ending some days and every single time I turn around I’m yet again being dragged through the mud.
You think you know somebody when you spend all those years with them, but you only know what they want you to know.
And I only knew that by staying there it was slowly killing me on the inside.
Today I’m feeling the opposite of inspiring and it’s important for you to always know that I’m human. I’m not superwoman and I’m not exempt from feeling bad.
The other day someone sent me a message and said “I didn’t know you were getting a divorce, I looked at you and thought your life was perfect”
And I was like ummmmmmmm no. Those are the lies that our brains tell us. What’s perfect even mean?
I’m perfect for God, and I’m perfect for my kids but I’m never perfect myself.
In fact this is the least perfect I’ve ever felt in my entire life & I’m learning how to have grace with myself.
Deciding to leave my husband wasn’t a decision a took lightly and I stayed way longer then I should have, simply because I didn’t understand my worth.
But even during my saddest days I know that Tomorrow will be different.
Life is amazing and then it’s awful and then it’s freaking fabulous.
It’s hard and complicated and then it’s uplifiitng and fulfilling, and sometimes it’s just hard.
Today’s one of those days. I’m meeting myself in the middle of a mess. I wear the armor of the lord but it doesn’t stop the enemy from constantly attacking me.
In fact it probably makes him attack me more.
My life’s not perfect
I’m not always happy
But I’m not always sad
If you find yourself needing a break then take one because your heart needs it in order to prepare for battle and make no mistake in thinking that this isn’t the battle of a life time.
Everything’s on the line and I’ll stand up for what’s right.
I’ll protect what needs saved and I’ll continue to persevere even when I’m tired.
Today I’m right smack dab in the middle of the pain and I won’t push it away. 💜