The struggle is real 💜 but I’ll never quit

Want to see my face?

Here you go! This is all you get. Underneath this mask lies a lot of pain and a lot of ugly, and a girl that you can never ever break no matter how hard you try.

I can’t cough

I can’t spit

I can’t blow my nose

I can’t bend over

I can’t brush my teeth

I just took my first shower 🚿 because my lips weren’t aloud to get wet

I can’t open my mouth very big

I have trouble talking

I can’t move forward with more work until this heals

I can’t stand the mirror right now

I haven’t worked yet (trying a couple of hours tomorrow)

I drink everything out of a water bottle through the side of my mouth

My mouth is disgusting

I wear this mask when I’m out in public because I’d rather you stared at my mask then saw what was going on inside of here

I can’t do a lot of things that I normally do and I think this is probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to overcome

But you know what I can do?

I can still keep going

I can keep fighting

I can still love unconditionally

I can still find the light in the middle of the dark

I can be thankful for all the amazing people that surround me and get me through

I can still write

I can still tell my story

I can tell you that I’m not the kind of girl that’s ever had it easy and I can also tell you that when this storm is finally over I will be better then I ever was before

I can admit that getting a divorce and having this happen at the same time is a shit ton to have happen all at once

I can admit the next few months are going to be rough

I can tell you that when I’m sad I allow myself to be sad because I don’t know any other way to be

I can tell you that I’m the realest person you will ever meet

I can tell you that I’m blessed because I didn’t break my arm or my hand and that means I can still work

I can tell you that the Devil wants to hold me back because he’s afraid of what I’m going to do with my life as he damn well should be

I can tell you that I don’t play by the rules of this world 🌍 that I play by the rules of Jesus

I do vulnerable

I do authentic

I do real

And I won’t ever stop

When this is all finally over many of you won’t even begin to believe the shit I’ve been put through

But I won’t waiver and I won’t ever be quiet 🤐

My face is battered but my heart is full because my father is providing for me

It’s scary to fight billionaires when they want to take your daughter

It’s scary to wonder where my money will come from while my husbands parents continue to fund his entire life

But my friends if I had continued to live my life afraid then I wouldn’t be doing what God wants me to do

Yes he’s spoken to me directly on 2 seperate occasions and he is the one who has led me here

I don’t always like his message and sometimes I get really really mad at the stuff he reveals to me

But………………

I trust him with my life

I trust him with my daughter

And I trust that he has amazing plans for us

He gave me a voice for a reason and even when my voice shakes I will continue to use it 💜

Just wait friends and you will see the blessings as they continue to roll in

I will be rewarded for all the pain that’s been caused to my heart and I will never ever quit


2 thoughts on “The struggle is real 💜 but I’ll never quit

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