Have you ever had a horrible freak accident?
When it happens everyone involved will wished they had done something different. There’s a whole lot of room in there for what if’s.
What if each of us had done one thing differently then this would have never happened. What if during the fall I had done something differently?
I think our minds are in such shock that we come up with these ideas to keep us going. I think everyone feels so helpless that they somehow want to make it their fault.
We can think that for a second but we can’t get stuck there because we will drive ourselves absolutely crazy if we do.
Sometimes bad shit happens to good people. I wish it didn’t happen, just like I wish I didn’t have to move out of my house on Thursday, but I did.
I can’t sit here and waste my energy on shit I can’t change. I can’t doubt what I did or why I did it, and I would do it all over again if I had to.
Friday night I was hanging out with my sister and my nieces and my nephews. We were in the kitchen talking and the kids were running around playing. She has a son named Gideoon who just turned 1 and I was holding him.
I was sitting on a square little stool at the counter with Kk and she was in the chair. Giddy was happy as could be silly and having fun. I had my feet on the bar on the bottom of the stool and the baby was standing on my lap being silly.
I don’t know if it was him or if it was me or the stool or what, but he kind of jumped back a little and I went to grab him and the whole fucking stool flew forward.
I didn’t have anytime to think about what I was going to do because it all happened so fast. We fell so hard and I wasn’t about to land on him and hurt him so I held him over to my left side and when I landed on my face my teeth hit the ground first.
I was clearly stunned but when I lifted my head up off the ground all the color drained from my sisters face and she looked like she was in shock.
At this point I see the baby’s ok but I am bleeding everywhere. My face hurts really bad and I’m in so much pain. I just head right for the sink and begin to wash my mouth out.
But it won’t stop bleeding. I’m like we gotta figure something out but do not call 911. A whole lot of times seemed to pass by before we could get things moving. I was in shock myself and my adrenaline was running through my body.
My poor nieces have to be traumatized just like the rest of us.
Can I tell you that I couldn’t look at my mouth. I was so afraid that I might pass out if I actually saw what was going on, So I didn’t look. When I went pee I avoided the mirrors because I knew it was more then I could handle. I’m in the middle of an awful divorce, and I had to leave my house on Thursday and bring my daughter to my moms in order to create a peaceful, safe environment. It’s so much at once but I’m still here and I’m still going.
I hurt a lot. I’m hideous to look at but I will heal eventually.
A couple years ago I had my front teeth fixed and they were absolutely beautiful. But as I write this story to share with you I don’t have any teeth in the front. They are gone, and my lips are a mess.
When I fell my teeth went through my bottom lip and then they got shoved up into the roof of my mouth and then they were pushed completely forward and I fractured my mouth.
I don’t know how or why I remembered to call my friend Judy. Here’s Kk with 3 kids and me bleeding all over the place. She was amazing and I wouldn’t have survived without her and every single other person who came to help.
Kk called Judy and she was able get ahold of Dr. Patel and he met us in Columbus to perform emergency surgery. This in itself is an absolute miracle. Judy answered her phone and she’s not even in Ohio. Dr. Patel was kind enough to drive an hour on a Friday night to meet me and take care of me.
At this point we help Kk get her babies in the car so she can drive 45 minutes home. My other sister Abbe and my mom and her friend all get to the house at the same time.
We pile in the car and we have to take my dog to my house because she’s got a vet appointment in the morning and my husband finally texted me back and said he would be willing to take her.
Thank god for all these beautiful people who love me and we’re willing to help me. Thank the lord that there are selfless people in my world that would do anything to help.
We drop the dog off, we drop my moms friend off and we head to Columbus. I curled up in the back seat with a blanket and tried the best I could to remain calm as I couldn’t close my mouth because my teeth were so messed up. My lip was gashed wide open and I just prayed and tried to breath.
Never ask the question what could possibly happen next because you’re not going to like the answer. A lot more can go wrong and it will. Sometimes life is an amazing adventure and at other times it’s a shit storm that just won’t stop flooding you.
It was hard enough to decide to get a divorce and everything that was supposed to happen when I filed hasn’t happened. I have been dragged through the mud, lied about and betrayed more then I ever thought was humanly possible by a man I loved with my entire heart and spent 20 years with.
I’m taking care of my beautiful 14 year old daughter and helping her get through all of this. She has the most beautiful heart in the entire world and I am so blessed by her beauty and her kindness every single day.
I’m so glad that I had just dropped her off to spend the night with her brother and sister in law or she would have been here to witness the accident and that’s the last thing she needed see.
It would be easy to wallow in self pity and to feel sorry for myself but Gods already told me everything will be ok. He’s assured me that he has big plans for us and I have to believe him, because the alternative would mean believing the lies of the devil.
My sister Abbe sat back there with me and held my hand the entire time. Dr. Patel couldn’t have been more kind and humble. He didn’t have to do this for me, and neither did Judy, but they never once hesitated.
My family and my friends provide shelter and support for me in very uncertain times. My face will heal eventually and so will my mouth but the these are the things that get me through. You beautiful people that I’ve formed authentic relationships over the years.
God knew exactly who I would need in my life to battle the storms and he lined them all up perfectly.
I hurt on so many levels but I won’t ever quit. I won’t ever give up and I won’t ever stop learning how to find the blessings in the middle of the storms.
I could get overwhelmed thinking about the future but I try to take it minute by minute.
I stayed somewhere so long where I was unloved and disrespected by an entire family, that it was hard for me to remember that I am loved and I am worthy.
But maybe that’s exactly why this happened. So I could see all the people who love me unconditionally. I cant even begin to explain to you the miracles that are occurring right now.
It seems as though I’ve really touched more hearts in my lifetime then I ever really knew about, and now these amazing people are taking care of me.
It feels so good to know that you guys love me. It makes it less painful to have to so much love coming my way.
My dear friend and client for years Brittany Oder, set up a go fund me page and this in itself made me cry uncontrollably. My moms house had a revolving door on it yesterday and it never stopped.
People say what can I do? I’m here to tell you that your doing it. Just knowing that you all love me so much and want to help is all that I need to fill my heart.
The messages, the phone calls, the visits that shown me how important I am to you is all that I need.
I am some lucky to have you all in my life. My mom is taking care of me on so many levels and I couldn’t do this without her. It’s hard when something bad happens and your used to leaning on your husband but that’s not longer an option. It’s hard for me to take from my friends because I’m a giver, but now I’ve learned to receive.
I’ve learned that I’m worthy of all that your doing for me and that I deserve it because of all the love I’ve put into the world.
I’m learning how to be accept as much as I give and I know that when the pains gone and the sweeping and stitches are gone I’ll be as good as new.
But I want you all to know I love you soooooooo much. Your kindness and love and support mean the absolute world to me. It would be easy to quit writing and to quit working and to quit trying but I’m not the person who gives up on herself and I know that you guys would never ever give up on me either.
I hurt but I got this 💜
Thank you for everything I love you
God bless you all