From a little girl to a grown ass woman; My true life struggles and joys with February 14th #TruthsWithTayTay

Happy Valentines Day Friends πŸ’œ

Today I’m celebrating my 20th Valentine with my husband. That’s absolutely unbelievable to type. Where does 20 years go?

Right now Friends and family are doing the math, thinking they haven’t been married for 20 years! It will only be 18 this year. But I’ll have you know, we actually celebrated a couple of them before we were married.

I didn’t want you to be side tracked by the numbers and miss the entire story, you can thank me later. πŸ’œ

It seems as though Valentines Day has changed for me many times over the years. Or actually, just maybe…………it was me who has changed over the years. I’m almost 100% positive that it’s always been on the 14th of February. So, now that I think about it has to be me. πŸ’œ

The fact that I am always changing is actually a really good thing. Like an Amazing thing. It means that I am always evolving, growing, blossoming, and learning. It means that I am not satisfied with what I already know about myself.

I am excited to see what the second half of my life brings because every year I love my life more.

When I was little girl and V Day rolled around, I clearly remember getting excited about having a party at school. And I also remember going home and looking at my cards from my classmates, and reading each one to see if the boy I liked gave me one that was more then friendly. Like instead of saying ” your groovy” it might say “your the apple of my eye”.

To my 8 year old self that was my first experience with Valentines Day. That memory is still with me today. It was fun and exciting and new, and it brought with it a new set of feelings.

“I like boys”

began during Valentines for sure. It is after all the day of πŸ’• LOVE!

And so began my love hate relationship with Valentines Day. Sometimes I welcomed it, and other times I shunned that shit. But both of those ways, I was still learning.

In my early 20’s when I didn’t have a boyfriend, then of course that’s all I wanted when Valentines Day rolled around. I was all whoa is me, I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. Thank God there was no social media when I was younger, because that would have just been awful.

I only had my friends and their boyfriends to be jealous of. Which actually made the whole thing bearable. My friends and I usually found some sway to cause a ruckus and have a little (or a lot) of fun. #shenanigins

When I finally met my husband, a years later, I was super excited for us to spend our first Valentines day together. I couldn’t wait to exchange presents with him and celebrate our amazing love for one another. I vividly remember getting him a pair of black silk boxers with hearts on them. And like any good man, he held onto those bad boys until a few years ago when I threw them away. They were no longer covered in hearts, and the elastic had long ago Worn out. But I will never forgot those boxersπŸ’œ or the memories that came with them.

Fast forward a few years, a new baby and welcome to my 30’s. At this point I want to enjoy Valentines day still, but somehow, we let it go. I believe that part of me tried for a few years, but after my husband didn’t want to celebrate, then I didn’t want to either.

For a minute, I kept my hopes up thinking that maybe he just might surprise me and do something sweet. And by sweet I didn’t mean going out to dinner with a check his mom sent us to celebrate. While I love her for doing that for us and we appreciate it immensely, this did not help my husband work his romance muscle. I fact it probably did the opposite, it made him think less about what our plans would be.

Instead of spending time being upset that I was married and unable to celebrate love, I just decided one day that it didn’t matter anymore. I thought that it wasn’t important and that I could celebrate myself.

I was totally a hater of V day in my 30’s. I was like many others in saying things like it’s a Hallmark Holiday, or we celebrate our love every day so we don’t need to do it today.

Poor Valentine’s Day was getting the brunt of my anger again. That Saint didn’t want to do anything but share the love, and here I was wishing it would just go away. On the outside I talked a good game, on the inside I wasn’t feeling it.

Mid 30’s we became so routine in our giving of presents that we actually bought each other tanning packages. That’s right I said it!!!! He bought me tanning and I bought him tanning. I know for a fact this was his idea, what I’m not so sure about it why I thought it was a good idea! πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ

There was a part of me that whispered “it’s ok to want more, your sooooooo worth it.”

My husband used to be romantic! He used to surprise me and write me love letters and open my door for me. All of those things made me love him even more. I realized that I needed that part of him again.

So I decided to listen to the voice inside my heart, instead of the voice inside of my head.

This year when my sexy husband asked me if we were exchanging tanning sessions I stunned him and myself by saying “no”! He was a little confused and asked me what I wanted to do.

I told him I didn’t care what it was, but I wanted him to think about and then surprise me. I told him to pretend like we were dating and he was trying to impress me again.

It felt so good to reclaim that part of my spirit, of my heart of my soul. It felt amazing to share my true feelings with him and was also I excited to be doing something new.

I signed us up for a couples yoga class tonight, and I did buy him some tanning sessions.

But

This morning when I woke up there was a card and a devotional for me. He did exactly what I asked him to do. He got me something he knew I would love and he wrote an amazing message for me in my card.

My love language is words of affirmations and gifts, and he hit the nail right on the head with both of those things.

I’m back to loving V day again because I decided to make it special. I realized what was important to me and I was brave enough to ask for it.

I can’t wait to do dinner and yoga with my man very soon, and I’m beyond blessed that I was brave enough to listen to the whispers of my heart. πŸ’œ

You just might find yourself in one of these scenarios or maybe in all of them. I think having a happy marriage and fulfilling future requires work.

I think love is always the answer and it’s up to us decide how we receive it!

I hope you have a wonderful night and no matter how you feel about Valentine’s Day this year, know that next year will be different!

Peace

Namaste

God Bless

I love my Valentine


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