When I need to feel safe 

Ever been so hungry, but your mouth can’t chew the food?

When I have trauma in my life sometimes I want to shut down, and other times I want to freeze, or fight. Right now I believe I’m experiencing them all.

Is that possible? Or do we always choose 1 of them to keep us safe? 

I got a phone call from my  son yesterday and he was in a car accident. The car is gone, the entire frame was bent, but he’s miraculously ok!  

That in itself is enough to put my body in crisis mode. I somehow kept it together and didn’t break down until later. I helped him take care of the car, babysat my grand baby and still managed to make it to work on time. 

I do hair, so I get to stand in front of a mirror all day, which is great except for when your sad. Then it’s not really where you want to be.

In the middle of this happening my mom texts me to let me know that today is the day  my grandpas going to die. So even though we knew it was coming, there’s really no preparing for the sadness that ensues all around us. 

So I take on another traumatic experience, but I also realize why God decided to save my son. It was because he didn’t want to take 2 people away from our family on the same day. 

It’s truly a miracle that my son walked away, yet I have an overwhelming sadness that’s he’s even experiencing this right now. 

I’m not sure why I didn’t think to write earlier, except for the fact that I normally write encouraging stuff and I’m not feeling to encouraging right now. 

I’m feeling all sorts of things right now, which is weird because how can you feel so much and feel so little at the same time? 

I am an empath so I feel other people’s emotions. The sadness inside my grandmas house is thick and heavy.  The pain inside my heart is the same. 

Everyone experiences things differently, and that’s ok. We all have to make peace with ourselves, and we have to do whatever it is that makes us feel better.

I feel so bad for what my family and my son are going through. I’m hoping to actually sleep tonight, because I’m sure that will help my reset my brain.  

Auto pilot is a great way to describe my heart today. It just keeps going. I showed up for my volunteer duties at my daughters school first thing this morning and I persevered. 

I also did all of the other things that I had to do today. Don’t know how but I did. 

This too shall pass

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Tomorrow’s a new day

Whatever it takes I’m there 

I think these are the themes running through my subconscious. These are the things that keep me going. 

I do want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me in the last 24  hours.  It feels so good to know that I am surrounded by love,and it’s  exactly what  I need the most.

There’s no mistaking love, it comes in many different forms, but it always makes you feel better. It’s a hug, or a smile or a phone call that says I care. It’s a text or a message or any positive vibe that’s sent your way intentionally. 

It says I know your hurting and It hurts me to see you in pain. 

It says I might not have the answers but I’ll still be here beside you.

It says hey Tay Tay I love you 💜

And I love you too💜

Continue to pray for our family

Love your usually cheery hairstylist 

4 thoughts on “When I need to feel safe 

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