When I was a little girl I had a dad that I didn’t know very well. Like many parents in the world today, he didn’t really love himself, so it was impossible for him to love me. (or at least that’s the story I’ve decided to tell myself at 43).
You see, you can’t give something to someone that you don’t have to give. That’s just a fact my friends. You can’t give love if your unable to receive it. If you don’t love yourself than you can’t truly love anyone else. For many years, when I was growing up, I carried around a deep sense of abandonment and rejection within my heart.
I blamed myself for a lot of things that weren’t my fault and had absolutely nothing to do with me.
And if I’m being honest, like I always try to be, I still carry around a few scars on my heart. I can tell when I’m activating my broken child, because I respond in a way that’s not true to my heart.
I do it with those that I love the most, like my husband or my children. I’m learning something new everyday, and I won’t ever stop practicing consciousness. Because it’s beautiful and it’s where our happy is.
For example, you don’t get to decide who your parents are, or what kind of home you will live in. You don’t get to decide who sticks around and who leaves. You don’t get to decide what color your skin is, or what color your eyes are. You don’t get to pick if your rich or poor, or if your tall or short.
I’ve done the work to become the person I am today. I’ve walked through my own hell so I can become whole again.
It’s worth it and I would do it all again.
He said to me just the other day, “now you see dear child why it was never supposed to work out with him, I have given you the perfect family for you. They will love you and accept you and they will honor and cherish you, just like you deserve”
What if I had never been open to seeing how lucky I am? What if I spent my whole entire life focusing on the wrong thing? What if I missed out on an amazing family, because I was to bitter and cold from the rejection to receive the love?
The world becomes a better place! That’s what happens! You begin to see things through a new set of lenses, and they are beautiful. They are love! I was so lucky to have the life I had. My grandparents loved me just like I was their own!
I got cousins, aunts and uncles. I got so many things and I am beyond blessed. Yesterday my husband, daughter, niece and I went out to the farm! We love to hang out there! We can feel our grandparents love when we are on that land! It’s peaceful and quiet and serene, and it’s a little bit of Gods Country.
The memorial site for them needed a little attention, and yesterday we filled our souls doing just that. As I told you earlier, I am exactly where I should be and I’m thankful for the family that is mine.
I can speak for my husband and myself on this one, doing that yesterday made us feel gratitude. It filled us up the same way that a good church sermon does on Sunday. It felt good to be outside and doing something for those we loved.
Everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences! Life is not happening to you, but it’s responding to you💜
I’m going to leave you with 2 questions;
Do you like the lenses you see your life through?
Could you use a new pair?