Having one child when I was 18, and the other when I was 30, means I’ve been parenting for most of my life. I’ve done lots of things right, and I’ve also done a lot of things wrong. However, if you know me then you know that I don’t look at my choices as mistakes, I look at them as learning experiences.
Being a mom to a girl and boy are completely different. One is not better then the other, I love them exactly the same. The difference lies in how they communicate, and their feelings. Girls are not as easy to figure out as boys. I’m often perplexed and left confused when it comes to her.
Kids are an amazing gift, and a huge blessing. But they are also one of our biggest puzzles. We’re often questioning ourselves and wondering if we’re screwing it all up! We have an internal battle as parents that ensues within us.
One of the biggest lesson I’ve learned, is not to parent out of guilt. Guilt is a wasted energy, it sucks the life out of us. It serves no purpose on the healthy end of feelings. It makes us parent out of fear instead of love. Guilt is a bad habit thay you’ve developed in your life to keep you safe, but I swear to you it’s not safe.
So in true parenting fashion I told my daughter she wasn’t getting a phone until middle school, and I also nixed social media right in the ass.
We have 3 days left of school, and I got her a phone 2 weeks ago. She has a you tube account and a musical.ly account. I’m not in denial here about social media, I realize I can’t shield her from it forever, which is why we let her start off slowly.
Originally I had said no social media until your in high school, but I soon realized, that that was the wrong choice.
For a while I never ever, even looked at her text messages, because I wanted to convey a sense of trust to her. I wanted her to know that I believed she will make the right choices. And even when she does makes a bad choice, I’m still going to love her. But then my daughter started to withdraw from us, and she seemed to be sad. I’m so glad I woke up and saw this. I’m so glad that I didn’t ignore my intuition.
I looked at her phone and I felt sad for her. I felt sad for me too, because she wasn’t sharing with me what was going on, and she was holding it all in. Here I was trying to protect her from the very thing she was experiencing. (Fear)
I can tell you from reading her texts with her friends, that they are not emotionally ready for any of this. Half the time they talk about absolutely nothing, and the other half of the time they spend arguing with each other.
So yes, I’m the mom who doesn’t care what her friends are doing and I will tell her this continuously. I don’t care what Sally, June, and Mike are doing, because those aren’t my kids.
I will cut her off the second she tries to mention another kids name.
I’m the mom who teaches her kids to not compare, or compete with others.
I’m the mom who cusses and loves Jesus.
I’m the mom who doesn’t care about grades, but cares more about her being kind.
I’m the mom that learns daily.
I’m the mom who eats some humble pie when I mess up.
I’m the mom who refused to buy a fidget spinner, just because everyone else wanted one.
I’m the mom that makes her use her own money to go the Dairy Queen 3 times a week.
I’m the mom who tries to parent from love and not from fear.
This is not an easy thing, and there are so many times that I get it wrong.
But, I’m the mom who is going to learn a lesson from her kids.
I’m the exact mom that my kids needed, and so are you.
Don’t drink the parent kool-aid because it’s full of poison.
Instead try to decide what each of your kids need, and find out what lessons they are here to teach you.
I raised my son out of fear most of his Life. I can’t change this, that is who I was then. But when you know better you do better.
I’m the mom who learned that her marraige should always come before her kids, because her kids are going to leave her.
I’m the mom who still has a lot to learn, and I will do it graciously and authentically.
You be the best version of you💜
Don’t try to protect your kids from your own hurts and you own life troubles, because they need to see that you are human. They need to know that life is sometimes a struggle. And they also need to know that once you were a little kid, and some parts of that little kid are still inside you.
They need you to be real, vulnerable, honest, and available! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Yes I’m THAT Mom