My husband and I have been reading The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D, which has led me to today’s inspiration. I’m going to inspire you to question yourself and your beliefs about parenting.
So many of us parent from a place of fear, or we parent from the ideas that we’ve collected in our minds along the way. But, we don’t ever stop to ask ourselves where these ideas came from. We just do what we think we should do. Let me give you a few examples so you can understand what I’m talking about.
Parenting myths 101
Kids must have breakfast in order for them to be healthy
Kids can’t talk back
Kids have to get good grades
Kids must have a lot of friends
Kids must meet our expectations
These are just a few that I think you can relate too. There are literally thousands of stories that go on in your mind. There are many different scenarios that we play out daily. And just by learning what’s going on in our heads we have taken the first step into our awakening.
There’s a huge difference between expectations and engagement. “The expectations we place on our children are things we convince ourselves are for their own good. But if we investigate a little more thoroughly, we might find ourselves questioning whose “good” is really at issue.”
Just because you have a certain belief or feeling, does not mean that your child should feel the same way. That’s where we get our wires crossed, that’s when we need to become conscious. So often we cross the lines of parenting, with our own selfish needs and ideas. We must first learn about our thoughts, and then we need to question the shit out them.
This is not for everyone, there are plenty of parents who will not have the capability to self reflect. They don’t know how to look inside themselves for the answers. They want to point the finger and blame everyone else. But that’s their problem not ours. We are on a journey to help our kids find their inner voice and use it.
It’s not our job as parents to squash the life out of our kids. It’s also not our job to over indulge them because we didn’t have a nice childhood. We have to let go of our fantasies as parents. We have to reclaim what’s really important when it comes to parenting.
I don’t care if my daughter gets good grades. I don’t care if you think she’s not working as hard as she should. I don’t care if she forgot her homework, or she missed the bus. I don’t care if she wins her sporting event, I don’t care if she skips breakfast.
I do care if she’s happy and she’s kind. I care if she can understand her feelings, and can articulate them to me. I care if she feels supported and understood. I care if she can listen to her authentic voice, and stand up for herself. I care more about what she wants, and less about what I want.
I used to hang her grade card on the refrigerator, until I leaned that wasn’t important to me. That was me drinking the kool-aid, and never asking why I thought good grades were important. Everyone knows good grades mean your a good parent, right? (Hells no myth myth myth)
“The reality is that trying to micromanage our children and bring them under our control is a foolish endeavor. The more attached we are to our expectations of our kids, the more likely it is that they will disappoint us. After all, no one likes to be told they have to meet someone’s expectations in order to gain their approval.”
Once you realize that your approval for your children is highly conditioned, you will begin to awaken. Sometimes you have to get out of your own head and into your heart.
“Our expectations come from a place of judgement. When we operate from a place of “should” we inadvertently give off energy communicating that we are right and anyone who opposes us is wrong.”
I’ve decide to create an awakened family. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication. But I am worth it and my family is worth it. I choose to share my knowledge with you in hopes that you will begin your own awakening!
Our children are not really “ours”! They are on loan to us for a few short years, and then they will be off into the real world. If you want to change the dynamic in your home, and create real lasting relationships with you kids, then start working on yourself⭐it’s the idea in your mind that is the problem.
Please share this article with any parents that you think could benefit from this knowledge