Chaos is good people

Chaos can be both good and bad, but it’s something what our hearts desire. There are times in my life when everything is smooth sailing, then there are times when the shit hits the fan. The older I get, the better I get at dealing with the chaos. There are many times I wished I had this knowledge 5 years ago, but as with everything in life we learn when we are ready.  
Sometimes we might never learn a lesson, because we keep repeating it over and over again. This is partly because our brains keep us stuck, and partly because we refuse to accept the lesson, or we’re not ready to learn the lesson.  
Change is hard, learning to become conscious is hard, breaking old habits is hard. But if you want happiness, you must learn that it’s an inside job. There is nothing and no one who can make you happy or miserable. We decide how we’re going to act, and what choices we make. We decide when to stick around and when to leave.  
Do you want to know why so many people fail when it comes to change? It’s because deep down in the depths of their souls they don’t believe in themselves. They don’t trust themselves, and it’s safer to stay on this path, then it is to pick a new path.
I’ve never been one to play it safe. My soul doesn’t allow for conformity, it never has. This is one of my favorite things about myself, I love the rebel inside me. I love how strong she is, but at the same time how kind she is.  
I don’t do bosses, it’s only natural that I’m an independent contractor. But I tried to have a real job. Would you believe me if I told you one of my first jobs at 18 was for a proctologist. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But there I was in the room, while he was checking out the poopster! I was mortified and intrigued at the same time. I couldn’t believe these people were signing up to have their butts violated. (View from an 18 year old) The smells that come from there can never be forgotten! Needless to say I moved on from there after a couple of months. 
I had chaos in my heart then, it was just a different kind. I share my funny story with you because I want you to know that even when I was 18, I knew that I was different. I knew that I needed more in my life, and I knew I would never be content with a boss, or in an office.   
My soul dreams in vivid colors, and swims at depths most people would drown in. When I was younger I wanted to fit in and belong, I didn’t embrace my differences. But as I continued to grow and learn, I began to accept who I was, and I began to fall in love with myself. 
At this age I couldn’t be happier with the person I’ve become. I still don’t conform, I’m still my own boss, and I still do things my way. People are always going to talk and to have an opinion, but you don’t have to care about those people. There are plenty of people who love you just the way you are, Who accept you and who don’t judge you! Don’t waste your time with small minded people, they will never understand you, and it’s not your job to explain yourself. Everyone doesn’t deserve your love, or your time, or your attention! 
Chaos is good for the soul⭐because it makes you grow

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