There have many times in my life when I have wanted the approval of others. Then, there are other times in my Life when I could care less what anyone thinks.
When I was in high school I for sure wanted to fit in, I didn’t want to be a cool kid, but I did want to belong. I think we all have the basic need to belong. I think that’s a normal part of life. I think we’re supposed to grow and learn. It’s all part of our natural development. We have to figure out why something’s make us insecure, and some things make us feel really good.
Oh my we are complicated human beings. We are so full of emotions and feelings that sometimes I don’t even know what’s going on with myself. If I’m being completely honest I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. I wouldn’t say I had a chip on my shoulder, but I would say my life caused me to be defensive, and even angry at times.
This was my alter ego kicking in. She was a bad ass, let me tell you. I still love her, she didn’t take shit from anyone at anytime and she would cut you right out of her life and not think twice about it. She was bold, sassy, strong, independent, and loved with all of her broken heart. She kept me safe from many things, but she also got me into trouble with love. She picked the bad boy because, she was a bad girl. However, these relationships were not mistakes, they were all part of the master plan. They taught me about what I didn’t want in a relationship. Without those situations I wouldn’t be who I am right now.
She’s still very much a part of my life, and she always will be. It’s just a little different now because, I don’t have all of that anger leading me. We create different defense mechanisms to keep us safe, mine was anger and I didn’t mess around. In my early 20’s I was a little scrapper. I laugh now just thinking about it, because I can’t even imagine getting in a fight today.
As I write this to you today I’m 42 years old. I am on a mission to share my love and knowledge with others. I still have a part of that girl inside me, she’s just not so angry. She has the same qualities, but she’s replaced the anger with empathy. She’s learned how to heal herself and how to love herself again.
I can honestly say that I don’t care what other people think. I might falter every now and then, because I’m human and my brain is complicated. If I find my insecurities trying to come out, I stop and assess the situation. I ask myself where is this coming from, and is it true? That’s normally enough to bring me back to reality.
Life is a journey my friends! Sometimes it’s fabulous and sometimes it’s frustrating, but the answer to everything lies inside your heart. The question is can you get out of your brain long enough to answer with your soul?
When you learn to truly love yourself, and accept yourself, that’s where the real magic begins. I know without a doubt I am exactly where I need to be. I hope that you can relate and learn from my stories, and I will, be here cheering you on.