If you’ve never been affected by cancer then stop reading now (I’m willing to bet it’s touched you all in one way or another)

See this beautiful lady up there, she’s my momma and she means the world to me.   This is picture of us when I was a little girl.  When I look at this picture I see a beautiful lady, with an amazing soul and wonderful spirit.  Everyone loves my mom because she’s crazy, and she’s fun and she’s a great friend to all who know her. 
Unfortunately she got the curse of breast cancer. She got admitted  into a club, that she sure as hell didn’t want to be in.  I cannot tell you what’s it’s like to be her, because I’m not her, but I can tell you what it’s like from my perspective, because I was there every step of the way.  

I’ll never forget when I found out.  I was paralyzed with fear, and I was sad beyond belief. I was confused, and I was mad, and I’m pretty sure she felt all of these things too.  I mean seriously look at her picture again, does that girl look a girl who thought cancer was going to be a part of her life?

My mom is a single lady who has had very rough life, but also a very blessed life.  Even if she wasn’t lucky in love with her husbands, she sure is lucky to have kids and grandkids who would not how to go on without her.

That’s us,her 4 perfectly amazing children,and one grand baby in that picture.  This was when my brother graduated from college! A memory she might not have been a part of, if things had gone differently.  You see,  even though she had breast cancer,  breast cancer never had her. It’s been gone now  for 3 years and It was estrogen driven.  She  found the lump herself, and They decided the best treatment was to cut it out and to do radiation.  

My mom had to move in with us for a while since she couldn’t work.  This was one of the happy parts for me of the whole experience. But I imagine for her it wasn’t an easy thing to do.  I’m sure she would have been more comfortable in her own home, but this was not an option.  I did the best I could, to give her exactly what she needed.  She spent a lot of time alone up in her bedroom and I respected that.  I also went up and visited her sometimes, which was a really cool thing to be able to do. I never thought I would live with my mom again, so I took that as a little bit of happiness in the midst of the madness.

While I don’t feel the need to share every detail of her story, I do want to share that she is one of the strongest women I have ever known.  She has never given up, even though she’s had a billion reasons to do just that.  I admire my mom and she’s one of the first people I call when I’m lost and need help.  She listens mostly, and lets me share.  She doesn’t try to fix it she just asks me questions and helps me figure it out on my own.

As exciting as it is that she beat it, there has to be a certain amount of fear of it returning.  I also think there’s a little bit of survivors guilt involved, because how could there not be. I mean she’s clean it’s gone, and now she has a friend going through the same thing only hers is worse.  It has to stir up some old feelings and  some unsettled emotions. But if you knew my mom, then you would know that she is trying to comfort her friend. That she went and had lunch with her, and  she will do she possibly can to help her get through this.

So momma since its cancer survivor day, I dedicate this to you.  You are our beginning and our end. You are the light that shines in us when we feel like we can’t go on. You are the reason that we are all so successful and loving.  It was you who guided us though this  journey called life, and it was you who never gave up. I couldn’t be more blessed to call you my momma.  
No matter what the future holds,we will be there beside you every step of the way.  You are more then a survivor, your are our everything and we are sooooooooooooo glad that your story ended the way it did! So fuck you cancer, you came, your tried but you did not conquer, you did not destroy and you did not win. Love won, hope won, faith won, and the treatments won. I’m glad there’s a day dedicated to you, because you deserve it.

I love you mom!

Tavia Hayduk 937-210-2306


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